Greeting Caniacs! Unfortunately the season has gotten off to a shaky start for our beloved Hurricanes. But it is early and I am not ready to give up on the team. I never do. I attended the home opener Friday and will be at the Bruins game on Wednesday cheering them on just as loudly as ever. While I will be vocal, I will be doing my best to mind my hockey manners. As a reminder of good fan behavior, I have dipped into the Dear Miss Hockey Manners mailbag and am bringing you some of her favorite letters today.
Dear Miss Hockey Manners,
I really enjoy getting liquored up before games. I don’t like to kill my buzz so I buy more beer when I get inside. I am sure I am perfectly steady with my cup, but sometimes a little beer splashes out and lands on my neighbor. They have the nerve to get mad at me! They are totally overreacting right?
Signed,
Tipsy Turvy
Dear Tipsy,
While I am sure you believe you are in complete control of your balance and your beverage, it sounds like you might need to cut back on the brewskis. Miss Hockey Manners is all for having a good time but when you spill your beverages on your neighbors it’s just rude. Apologize and offer to purchase a beverage, adult or otherwise, for your victim. Next time slow down when you start to lose control of your gross motor skills. Your neighbors will thank you and you’ll thank me in the morning.
MHM
Dear Miss Hockey Manners,
I come from a long line of sailors. I too am a sailor and feel it is important to preserve my heritage. Therefore I swear like a sailor at home and in public. I feel I am sharing the culture of my people with the world. Sometimes people look at me funny or ask me to watch my language. They also remind me that children are around. Are they asking me to give them lessons in sailor speak? Should I buy kids copies of the Sailor version of Rossetta Stone? Not sure what to do. Help!
Signed,
Sonofa Sailor
Dear Sailor,
While I am sure you are very proud of your heritage, this time it’s best to keep your culture under wraps. Especially when young children are around. While it’s fine to converse in sailor speak in your own home and with your comrades, other ears may not be ready to hear such colorful language. We all let out an occasional “dammit” or h-e-double-hockey-sticks, but it’s best to keep any destructive f-bombs under wraps. Miss Hockey Manners practiced what she preaches on Friday letting out a “That’s Marty Frickin‘ St Louis! Why isn’t anyone covering him?!” No amount of Orbitz gum can undo the damage to young ears.
MHM
Dear Miss Hockey Manners,
I really have a hard time sitting still. I drink a lot of water and experience general restlessness while in the arena. I find getting up and going to the restroom or heading out to the concourse every few minutes seems to take care of the problem. Somebody had the nerve to yell “DOWN IN FRONT!” at me last time I got up! I hope you will set them straight about how rude that was!
Sincerely,
Ants Inmypants
Dear Ants,
I am afraid you have committed the most egregious of hockey fan fouls, getting up while the puck is in play. Unless you are experiencing kidney failure or are possibly going into cardiac arrest, please stay in your seat until you hear the whistle. Otherwise you obstruct the view of others. Use the same rule when you are returning to your seat, even if the usher is not holding up a stop sign. This will make you much more popular in your section. The current winner of your section’s popularity contest is the person that yelled at you to sit down.
MHM
Remember to mind your hockey manners, don’t bang on the glass and have fun at the next game! It’s never rude to say Let’s Go Canes!
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