Okay Canes, I guess it’s time to face facts: you and I have broken up for the summer. We don’t talk anymore, I only see a few of you occasionally stopping a shot or making an assist at Worlds. Really I’m fine with this little break, we were spending too much time together, my friends were complaining that they never saw me, my work was suffering.
And it’s not like I can’t find other things to do this summer. There’s a nice beach just a few hours away from Raleigh, lots of great concerts coming to the area, and there’s always baseball right? Okay you can see right through me, I’m never going to watch baseball.
Don’t worry about little old me Canes, I’ll be fine. I won’t shed any more tears (probably not true), and I definitely won’t do any of the following:
16. Stay up all night and watch YouTube videos of player interviews, goals, saves, fights or any video that might even mention my team.
15. Listen to sad breakup music. Especially “Not Over You” by Gavin DeGraw or “End Of The Road” by Boyz II Men. Nope.
14. I will definitely not scour the Internet for new “Hockey Hugs” photos that I haven’t already submitted to Puck Daddy a million times.
13. I will root for someone in our division to win the Stanley Cup! (not.not.not.)
12. I will totally avoid writing letters, emails, tweets, etc. to players that our team wants to acquire in the off season. That mail I sent to Zach Parise? Oh his birthday is in July, just want to make really sure he gets that card!
11. When I see other fans complaining that their team didn’t make it past round one of the playoffs, I will not harshly remind them that they at least got a few more weeks of hockey.
10. I will not refresh the team website every five minutes in hopes of current news. (I have alerts on my phone for that.)
9. I will not edit together “best of” clips from the season with Nickelback music as the background. Okay stop laughing. I’m aware that no one would actually do this.
8. There will be no off season games played in my living room with my bobbleheads. Training camps are okay though right? How about a mock bobblehead draft? This time Jeff Skinner gets to be first overall!
7. I will not run out and jump on another team’s bandwagon for the playoffs to make you jealous. Blue just happens to be in my color wheel.
6. I will also not write to NHL 36 every week to suggest they follow a Canes player.
5. When I see cars with Canes stickers or plates, I will not roll down my window and scream excitedly.
4. I will not eat exactly as many M&M’s as my favorite player’s number every night (but it’s a good thing the Canes numbers don’t go any higher than 59).
3. I will not wear my favorite player’s jersey without washing it all summer. That just doesn’t work at the beach. Or at the many weddings I have to attend this summer.
2. I will not obsessively discuss you with my friends until they stop returning my calls, stop making plans with me, or tell me to seek professional help.
1. And the thing I will avoid the most: Writing blogs about missing my team. That is just sad.