LaRose Excited By The Possibilities Of An Empty Net. Mandatory Credit: Brace Hemmelgarn-US PRESSWIRE

Off Season Headlines We’d Like To See…Or Not


If you’ve been reading the sports news today Caniacs, you’ve probably not seen many positive headlines. With all the hearings, suspensions, violence, and injuries in the playoffs so far, maybe you’re looking for news of a different nature.

A few weeks ago my friend, and fellow Caniac, Dane asked me via Twitter my most anticipated news headlines of the off season. As you can tell by my Saturday 16 post this weekend, I have quite the imagination. Check out a few of my headlines, as well as one from Dane, and one from fellow Cardiac Cane writer Sally. Mine just happen to all be Carolina Hurricanes related, but no reason we can’t include a few other NHL (totally fake) headlines.

Writer’s Note: None of these headlines are real, and if any of these things happen, they are purely by coincidence.

Caniac Caz Headlines:

-Raleigh Woman Goes Nuts Without Hockey, Declares Squatters Rights At PNC Until Season Resumes

-Carolina Sutter Crazy – Sign All Sutters Under Age 30 To Professional Hockey Contracts

-Hurricanes Forward Jeff Skinner Goes Back To School To Unlearn Dirty Words

-Skinner Endorses Orbitz Gum To Clean Up His Dirty Mouth

-As Prom Season Approaches, Triangle Stores Sell Out Of Poster Board

-Justin Faulk Admits After Cut: I Donated My Hair To Coach Dave Lewis

-Stormy’s Shocking Confession: Eric Staal Taught Me How To Do The Worm

-Chad LaRose Petitions NHL To Have Empty Net Goals Renamed “Rosey’s”

Sally’s Headline:

-Entire Hockey Team Decimated By Sunburn – Guilty Of Tanning While Canadian

(After a particularly nice day in Raleigh, when many of the Canes were tweeting about hanging by the pool.)

All Sutter Team? Brandon looks skeptical. Mandatory Credit: Kim Klement-US PRESSWIRE

All Sutter Team? Brandon looks skeptical. Mandatory Credit: Kim Klement-US PRESSWIRE

Dane’s (@das0527) Headline:

-Evgeni Malkin Elected President Of Russia, Makes Hockey National Sport, Puts Flyers On No-Fly List

(And yes that last one was weeks before the Pennsylvania Civil War that was game three of the Pittsburgh/Philadelphia series.)

Just a little pick me up for your Monday Caniacs! Now go back to the crazy playoff action that is sure to be happening currently. Check back later this summer for a part two of off season headlines!

Have some of your own suggestions for off season headlines? Chat with us on Facebook at  CardiacCane or on Twitter:@CardiacCaneFS, @Esbee92, @peacelovepuck, @caniac176 and @CaniacCaz.

Tags: Brandon Sutter Carolina Hurricanes Chad LaRose Dave Lewis Eric Staal Evgeni Malkin Featured Jeff Skinner Justin Faulk PNC Arena Popular