This is NOT a properly placed jersey Mr. Sutter. Mandatory Credit: Kevin Hoffman-US PRESSWIRE

Choose Your Adventure: NHL Dream Jobs


Inspiration strikes at the strangest times. Mostly for me, it’s late at night when I’m in the middle of “Insomniacing.” Never heard of it you say? Well, it’s only the coolest new thing where you can’t sleep a wink even though you’re really tired and have to be up for work in five hours or less! Even after you’ve watched all the hockey videos YouTube has to offer, perhaps a Golden Girls episode or three, or even a rebroadcast of a hockey game you’ve already seen, or better yet, attended! What do you turn to then? Why Twitter of course!

My fellow writer Sally must have this same “insomniacing” thing going on, because we hatched quite a business plan over Twitter in the wee hours of the night. Now usually when I have these late night inspirations, I forget all about them the next morning when I’m grumpy and tired and all the Starbucks in the world won’t wake me up. But if Monday doesn’t make you want to quit your job and do something new and exotic, I don’t know what will.

I bet a lot of us hockey fans have pictured ourselves working for our favorite team. Perhaps in Public Relations or Sales. But what about those who might have different skills – can’t sharpen a skate or pull off a fun intermission contest? What IF one of these NHL odd jobs could be for you?

Doggie Play Date Maker – So what does Man’s Best Friend do when a single hockey player is on the road? Most likely they are stuck in a kennel or tearing the furniture of that lucky dog sitter, all because YOU left them alone! Why not take puppy on the road? The Team Doggie Play Date Maker will arrange a playdate between the “away” team dogs and the “home” team dogs. My good friend Sally would particularly like to set up Pups LaRose and Pup Dug Weber (owner is Sir Shea Weber of course) the next time the Canes and the Preds meet.

Team Fashion Coordinator – This would be my dream job. Mainly because I’ve noticed that lately, our Hurricanes have had their jerseys all tucked up in the back. It’s a HUGE pet peeve of mine. I don’t know if all the jerseys have just started to shrink due to so much washing during the season, or if the Canes are growing like Redwoods suddenly. I’m sorry to point this out Brandon Sutter, but it’s been most noticeable with you as of late. So I’m proposing we simply have someone who straightens out said jerseys before and during the games. Just a quick walk behind the bench every few minutes. Sure you might take a puck to the head, but trust me, it’s not as bad as you think! (Note: Alex Ovechkin is probably the worst offender in the NHL, but he is beyond help.)

Goal Celebration Choreographer – Do you like to celebrate things??? Can you cabbage patch on ice skates??? Then this would certainly be the job for you! Let’s face it, not all hockey players have rhythm. Maybe certain players are just too modest or shy to celebrate when they light the lamp. Perhaps it’s been awhile since that last goal and they just need to be taught the latest moves (I’m looking at you Bryan Allen). And just think…your favorite hockey player could make the highlight reels with all the moves you’ve taught him!

So dream on dreamers….one day YOU could choreograph something better than Jeff Skinner’s Spinnerama (though I highly doubt it).

(Writer’s note: None of these jobs are real, and are not in any way endorsed by the NHL, at least not to my knowledge.)

Want to end glass banging for good? Tell us what your idea of an NHL dream job would be. Find us on Facebook at  CardiacCane or chat with us on Twitter:@CardiacCaneFS, @Esbee92, @peacelovepuck, @caniac176 and @CaniacCaz.

Tags: Alex Ovechkin Brandon Sutter Bryan Allen Carolina Hurricanes Chad LaRose Jeff Skinner Nashville Predators Shea Weber

  • Esbee92

    @caniac176 @CaniacCaz It’s FANTASTIC!

  • CardiacCaneFS

    @caniac176 @CaniacCaz oh, I’d be all over the dog sitting gig. Fun post.

    • CaniacCaz

      @CardiacCaneFS Thanks! It was fun to write!

  • CaniacCaz

    @Esbee92 @fansided @cardiaccaz Who is this cardiaccaz person??

    • Esbee92

      @CaniacCaz DANGIT. Why I gotta make typos?

      • CaniacCaz

        @Esbee92 We all do it, it’s okay!

        • Esbee92

          @CaniacCaz It’s because I tweeted from the webpage and I had to type it in myself. :-( I fixed it!

    • CardiacCaneFS

      @CaniacCaz whoops. Sorry. My phone sucks & had to be reset. All info lost. That is apparently what it pulled out when I started typing it in

      • CaniacCaz

        @CardiacCaneFS Haha no it wasn’t you. Sally typed the wrong thing.

        • CardiacCaneFS

          @CaniacCaz oh, Haha. Good.

      • Esbee92

        @CardiacCaneFS @CaniacCaz HA. It was totally me. Don’t be so fast to think you messed up!

        • CardiacCaneFS

          @Esbee92 @CaniacCaz thanks for the reminder. I work for people that wait on baited breath for me to screw up. It messes with me.

  • http://pamanner.wordpress.com/ Pamanner

    Ha-ha!!!! Sign me up for the goal choreographer position!

  • katecaniac

    @CaniacCaz @fansided @CardiacCaneFS Love it!!

    • CaniacCaz

      @katecaniac Thank you! It was fun to write.

  • brindyfan

    @Esbee92 @caniaccaz I would like the job of anti-wave enforcer HAHA

    • CaniacCaz

      @brindyfan @Esbee92 I’m shocked someone claimed it before Sally!! And I was THISCLOSE to putting that in there!

    • Esbee92

      @brindyfan @caniaccaz I think this can be an entire SQUADRON of people.

    • Esbee92

      @brindyfan @caniaccaz I am feeling there could be the issuing of some sort of cattle prods or stun guns. Just sayin.