Poor Vince, he just can't help himself. (Photo Credit: Tasos Katopodis/Getty Images)

Evolution of the Glass Banger


Unconsciously, you lean forward in your seat. Your eyes focus in on the helmet-clad heads dueling intently for possession of the puck along the boards. Although your vision is blocked from the scene on the ice, you can picture the skates shifting to aid in their mission. You can hear bodies and sticks bang into the glass. Your skin feels the excitement in the air.

Einstein’s secret obession. (Original photo via AP)

Suddenly, your once satisfied senses are assaulted. A repetitive sound isn’t corresponding with the battling bodies on the ice. You’re forced to pull your eyes from the game and scan the crowd for the disturbance. Not far from the action, the assailants are exposed. Glass Bangers. You fail to see who gained control of the puck as you were too consumed with images of amputating a set of annoying fists.

It is said hate is driven by ignorance. Since I hate Glass Bangers, I decided to research the evolution of these compulsive play distracters. Perhaps understanding their origins will allow me to overlook my anger and focus on the game. After many weeks of researching (Translation: A few minutes of playing make-believe in my head.), I discovered the origins of Glass Bangers are quite interesting…

Most people are aware that Albert Einstein suffered from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, an anxiety ailment that may cause a person to have repetitive habits. Now, what people don’t know is that Mr. Einstein was a huge Joe Malone fan. He spent many years traveling in order to watch Phantom Joe play for the Quebec Bulldogs in the early 1900’s. This was kept secret as people didn’t want to taint the scholar’s reputation with the truth…he was a Wood Banger. He would pound his fists on the wooden planks of his royal gallery box each time play slowed along the boards.

Poor Vince, he just can’t help himself. (Photo Credit: Tasos Katopodis/Getty Images)

Howard Hughes may be known for his film and aviation obsessions, but he was also a dedicated to the Detroit Red Wings. He was drawn to the red wings of flight. Mr. Hughes had a neurological disorder called Tourette’s Syndrome. He demanded to watch the games from the vacant fifth level while attending games at The Old Red Barn on Grand River Avenue. He liked the birds-eye view from the isolated top level. It was good he was alone, because Mr. Hughes violently paced around the empty floor, pounding his fists into the plain walls when players fought for puck control. He was a Wall Banger.

These were the earliest documentations of the infamous fist knocking disorder. The compulsion has made its way through the generations. Most recently, you can find actor Vince Vaughn suffering from the syndrome, now known as the Glass Banger.

This research (cough, storytelling, cough) has opened my eyes and soothed my frustrations. As a former special needs teacher and sister of one who lives with OCD, I will no longer pour my beer on the game distracting fans. I will simply turn to them and recite a popular southern phrase, “Bless your heart.”

 

As always, thank you for reading and we welcome your comments. You may follow Cardiac Cane writers on Facebook and on Twitter: @CardiacCaneFS, @Esbee92 and @Caniac176.

*Please note the above statements are for entertainment purposes only.

Tags: Albert Einstein Detroit Red Wings Glass Bangers Howard Hughes Joe Malone NHL Old Red Barn Vince Vaughn

  • ChasingCheckers

    @CardiacCaneFS That’s good stuff! Loved the whole piece! Check out my cheerleader post from last week for good comments. Yikes!

  • ChasingCheckers

    @CardiacCaneFS That’s good stuff! Loved the whole piece! Check out my cheerleader post from last week for good comments. Yikes!

  • ChasingCheckers

    @CardiacCaneFS That’s good stuff! Loved the whole piece! Check out my cheerleader post from last week for good comments. Yikes!

  • ChasingCheckers

    @CardiacCaneFS That’s good stuff! Loved the whole piece! Check out my cheerleader post from last week for good comments. Yikes!

  • ChasingCheckers

    @CardiacCaneFS That’s good stuff! Loved the whole piece! Check out my cheerleader post from last week for good comments. Yikes!

  • ChasingCheckers

    @CardiacCaneFS That’s good stuff! Loved the whole piece! Check out my cheerleader post from last week for good comments. Yikes!

  • ChasingCheckers

    @CardiacCaneFS That’s good stuff! Loved the whole piece! Check out my cheerleader post from last week for good comments. Yikes!

  • ChasingCheckers

    @CardiacCaneFS That’s good stuff! Loved the whole piece! Check out my cheerleader post from last week for good comments. Yikes!

  • ChasingCheckers

    @CardiacCaneFS That’s good stuff! Loved the whole piece! Check out my cheerleader post from last week for good comments. Yikes!

  • ChasingCheckers

    @CardiacCaneFS That’s good stuff! Loved the whole piece! Check out my cheerleader post from last week for good comments. Yikes!

  • ChasingCheckers

    @CardiacCaneFS That’s good stuff! Loved the whole piece! Check out my cheerleader post from last week for good comments. Yikes!

  • ChasingCheckers

    @CardiacCaneFS That’s good stuff! Loved the whole piece! Check out my cheerleader post from last week for good comments. Yikes!

  • ChasingCheckers

    @CardiacCaneFS That’s good stuff! Loved the whole piece! Check out my cheerleader post from last week for good comments. Yikes!

  • ChasingCheckers

    @CardiacCaneFS That’s good stuff! Loved the whole piece! Check out my cheerleader post from last week for good comments. Yikes!

  • ChasingCheckers

    @CardiacCaneFS That’s good stuff! Loved the whole piece! Check out my cheerleader post from last week for good comments. Yikes!

  • ChasingCheckers

    @CardiacCaneFS That’s good stuff! Loved the whole piece! Check out my cheerleader post from last week for good comments. Yikes!

  • ChasingCheckers

    @CardiacCaneFS That’s good stuff! Loved the whole piece! Check out my cheerleader post from last week for good comments. Yikes!

  • ChasingCheckers

    @CardiacCaneFS That’s good stuff! Loved the whole piece! Check out my cheerleader post from last week for good comments. Yikes!

  • ChasingCheckers

    @CardiacCaneFS That’s good stuff! Loved the whole piece! Check out my cheerleader post from last week for good comments. Yikes!

  • ChasingCheckers

    @CardiacCaneFS That’s good stuff! Loved the whole piece! Check out my cheerleader post from last week for good comments. Yikes!

  • paulbwinn

    This information about Hughes was made up from someone’s active imagination. Hughes NEVER watched the Redwings or any other sports team, either in person or on TV. He was absolutely NOT interested in sports ofany kind (other than playing golf, but I never saw him watch golf on TV). Why you would makeup a story of this kind is beyond me. You failed to mention, however, that the first broadcasts of football were on the Hughes Sports Network. Those broadcasts were the beginning of Monday Night Football. You writers don’t seem to care about the accomplishments/contributions of Hughes, but go out of your way to make portary him as some kind of nut.

    How do I know? I was his personal secretary beginning in 1957, I spent practically every day with him in Rancho Santa Fe, California, during 1961. After graduating from USC law school in 1969 I moved up in the corporate structure, but knew every move Hughes made. I became Director of Corporate Records and Corporate Secretary, so after Hughes’ death I was in charge of all the documents that had been generated by Hughes. And, I never saw or heard about any interest Hughes had in the Red Wings, much less his attendance at any stadiums.

    I wish you folks who write stuff about Hughes would do better research – you would be a bit more accurate and perhaps a bit more credibility.

    Paul B. Winn

  • BlueLineStation

    ” Mr. Madison, what you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul. “

    • emarkman10

      @BlueLineStation Okay, a simple “wrong” would’ve done just fine

  • ChasingCheckers

    @CardiacCaneFS That’s good stuff! Loved the whole piece! Check out my cheerleader post from last week for good comments. Yikes!

    • Esbee92

      @ChasingCheckers HOW did I miss that comment string? WOW. Ovation for your reply. Oh and i feel the same way about Biz.

  • BlueLineStation

    To follow up on Mr. Winn’s complaint, I believe Albert Einstein had written “e=mc^2″ and not the words that the author of this article chose to forge. Also, in the caption of a later photo, she calls Vince Vaughn “poor” when he is actually a multi-million dollar actor. Kristina Kelly’s work in this article is unacceptable and I heavily encourage those in charge of the Fansided Network to review her contributions to the website.

    • http://www.sinfullyaddictivecontent.com/ KPKelly

      @BlueLineStation

      I confess! I am a cheat and a liar! Throw me in sports writer jail and throw away the key!

  • http://www.sinfullyaddictivecontent.com/ KPKelly

    Dear Mr. Winn,

    Thank you for the thorough comment. I would first like to point out you say “nut” as if that were a bad thing. Embrace your inner nuttiest sir. Clearly, I embrace mine.

    However, despite your thoroughness you must have missed the line “playing make-believe in my head” and the final line “Please note the above statements are for entertainment purposes only.”

    Again, I thank you for the read and comment.

    Sincerely,

    Your Proud Nut…KP Kelly

  • NCCaniac42

    LOL cardiaccanefs the comments from some of these people were not as entertaining as the article. I think these ‘glass bangers’ also gravitate to the seats on the glass that have the microphones placed on top.. so they can get their obsession passed thru the tv thingy. I also have visions of amputations and beer spillage.. though that would be a waste of expensive arena beer.

    Keep writing.. I love that you can make believe with the best of them.
    :-)

    • http://www.sinfullyaddictivecontent.com/ KPKelly

      @NCCaniac42 Haha, thanks Leigh! You’re the best!

    • BlueLineStation

      @NCCaniac42cardiaccanefs You mean like how she makes believe that the Hurricanes are good?

      • http://www.sinfullyaddictivecontent.com/ KPKelly

        @BlueLineStation@NCCaniac42cardiaccanefs

        Those are fightin words Adam! I believe it is time you and I made a wager on the upcoming season.

  • Caniac_Nation

    @CardiacCaneFS fix your second sentence. Possession, not possessive. #grammerpolice

    • CardiacCaneFS

      @Caniac_Nation I rebel against authority. The error stays. #blowinraspberry

      • Caniac_Nation

        @CardiacCaneFS lol. Let me know if you need an editor. ;P

        • CardiacCaneFS

          @Caniac_Nation ok, ok, I fixed it.