The countdown is over! Jeffrey Skinner was born today in the year 1992 to proud parents Andrew and Elizabeth. That’s right, our star Hurricane turns 19 years old today.
Cardiac Cane has been paying tribute to the young Calder Trophy nominee for seven days, but today is my personal virtual gift to Skinny. If I were an all-powerful being (which I am, I just don’t want to blow my cover), I would bestow him with the following gifts:
- Ear plugs to protect his delicate ears from his young, screaming teeny bopper fans.
- A hat trick in his first 2011-12 regular season game with the Hurricanes.
- Lightning to strike the person that calls him Bieber-esque or Skater boy. He is no boy, I assure you.
- A private jet with an endless gas card so he could fly home whenever he missed his friends and family.
- The Calder Trophy, although I am confident he will get this present next month.
- Invisible, full-coverage face mask to offer clear, desirable protection. Ok, this may be more of a selfish gift. High sticking does not bode well against his current flawless smile and dimples.
- A fake ID to ensure he can party hardy with his teammates. Again, an insincere token. I would like to buy him drinks, legally, to somewhat cloud his judgment. Just somewhat.
- The Batmobile to race away from annoying reporters and stalker fans. Although, I would keep the remote so he would be unable to retreat from my harmless affections.
Lastly, I would grant him all the happiness, health, and success in the world. I crack many jokes about my Skinner love affair, but I am truly honored to have this amazing athlete in my backyard. Witnessing his first year with the Canes generated a host of memories I will soon not forget. I look forward to many, many more.
Happy Birthday Jeff!
Not to be overshadowed by the Skinner spotlight, today is also Charlotte Checkers’ Zack FitzGerald’s birthday! Although I have not had the pleasure of meeting Fitzy yet, I am told he is a stand-up, all-around wonderful guy. For that, I will pimp out the Checkers sin box. I’m talking plush velvet couch, flat screen TV, a beautiful girl waiting to fan him with a palm leaf, and a lava lamp for kicks. Why does Fitz need a killer penalty crib?
Happy Birthday Fitzy!